Living in Brazil 7

     

   Things were starting to turn around May of 2014. I was finally getting a little breathing space after  months of trying dig myself out of a hole. In the months following, things would swing on the upside, but with this new opportunities came harsh lessons I had never experienced.Things were falling into place just at the right time. Two months later, the second biggest sport event in the world was underway. Things couldn't have been better than it was starting to become.

   At the end of May 2014. Things were going just the way I had planned, until a girl walked into my life. Her name was Sabrina Amanda, and she was the perfect mix of brains and beauty. While staying in Bellas Artes Hostel,  I had a two day conversation with her and her friend Alice,which was really engaging and fun. They were both from from Belo Horizonte, which was the capital of Minas Gerais.  In my time spending with her at the hostel during the weekend. I had a chance to really got to discover her adventurous nature for travel and her curiosity of wanting to know other culture. This made me so more drawn to her than anything. her openness her and  down to earth spirit. We hit it off well from the get go.I shared my personal stories of myself growing up in Jamaica and the states, and why I decided to go to Brazil.  The whole weekend we had deep and really profound conversation about life, art, travel and nature. I was really drawn to her personality, but in did help she was beautiful as well. After that particular weekend, she had to go back to her city in Belo Horizonte. We decided to keep in touch via facebook and via telephone. After she left we kept in communication  a few times during the week, basically addressing when the next time we would see each other again. The following  weekends she decided to come down to Rio de Janiero one more to see me, but during this time, I had managed to miss the opportunity. Little did I know, this opportunity missed would be pivotal because it made the chase more complicated. During this time I focused on trying to please her instead of trying to be myself.  We communicate for a while a few days a week. I took a bus to see her in her city Belo Horizonte.  We talked for the next few months, even in the moment of being so deep in love I did crazy things like driving to her city to surprise her, even when she wasn't even there. Looking back, I was deeply in love, it was something i wish I had never experienced, so reality taught me a harsh lesson but She was mindful of that and used it against me. As time went on, the more attention I gave her, the more she used it to her advantage. On the last trip I went to see her. She told me it would be OK, if I could spend the night at her place. Once I arrived there, she had other plans in mind. She had decided to drop me off at a friends house which I knew very well. In the weekend I spent in her city,we spent  eating lunch at a local restaurant, At the night  we had a time to share  some laughs at a local hangout spot where all the locals liked to gather  to catch up on weekend football and events happening in the city.


    During the last night, I had a chance to discover her true intention as she used the opportunities to chat with her friends about our whereabouts. Trying to get her attention she slowly and surely ignored me. It was the first time in my life I felt so low, because after, only then I realized I was being used my someone all along had no interest in me.  I was hard but, I was more upset with myself for making it go that far and not seeing where I was going.It was the harsh reality of life and something I had never faced, even though it was difficult for me for the next couple of weekends. I had a conversation with myself, to love self first before thinking of going after someone else. That was my lesson, also sometimes love is blind and it can takeover your mind so take things slow when things are new, It was a difficult experience to swallow because i wasted 4 months on something that wasn't there, but at the same time it was an experience that I never had, but It would be an experience I would never forget.

    In the months ahead,  I would spend the next months working on myself and getting to know the rest of Brazil.. In August 2014. I decided to leave the Bellas Artes hostel after 1 year. I moved into the heart of Copacabana, just 10 minutes walking distance from the beach, From the point on, my moment of reflection and  and transformation started. I  slowly began the process of adjusting as well as forgiving out myself as well as understanding the world around me. This time, I would come to grips with past as well as the future which has not yet arrived.